Sunday, July 5, 2009

My Angel of Satan

Today's Second Reading is so very close to my heart.
On July 9th 2000 I felt so broken inside. I was literally on the floor crying and asking the Lord what did I do to deserve all this suffering. I "thought" I was doing everything right. I was going to Church, confession, praying..... but still I was tormented by my ex-husband. When I heard interiorly (not with a voice or sound but inside of my spirit these words 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 and then I heard because I love you). I pulled out my bible sitting on the kitchen counter and just started to cry. Now arguing with God saying to Him, "Because you love me? I suffer so much because you love me? Still feeling so broken yet also felt God's love within me all of a sudden I went to morning Mass across the street. I was so shocked and in awe that these same words the Lord just revealed to me at home were the same readings the church was saying and then more to come. The Priest whom was now saying the homily kept repeating these words and I sat there in my pew just crying and crying. He the Priest said, "Because I love you! Because we must endure our crosses in life because Jesus loves us. It was like the priest was just talking to me.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10

In view of the extraordinary nature of these revelations, to stop me from getting too proud I was given a thorn in the flesh, an angel of Satan to beat me and stop me from getting too proud! About this thing, I have pleaded with the Lord three times for it to leave me, but he has said, ‘My grace is enough for you: my power is at its best in weakness.’ So I shall be very happy to make my weaknesses my special boast so that the power of Christ may stay over me, and that is why I am quite content with my weaknesses, and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and the agonies I go through for Christ’s sake. For it is when I am weak that I am strong.

I made an appointment with the priest that very morning. I had no doubt in my mind that God loved me. He revealed himself to me in all my misery. Even though I was wollowing in self pity that day, God had mercy on my brokenness. My thorn of Satan was my ex husband. He was not going to releave me of this burden, the insults, hardships, agonies. But he did give me the grace to carry on. I found peace within me again. Peace within that I had not had in a very long time. I had to forgive myself and my ex-husband. And the day I forgave him in my heart was the day he went away. So when we are weak Jesus is strong. When we cry out to God, he does hear us.
So this weekend I am not only celebrating the 4th of July but freedom of spirit. Freedom not to be held bound by what another has done to me. We must be set free and this can only be done with Jesus. God's grace is there for us, we just need to ask for it.

God bless you all this weekend,
Linda

3 comments:

Ioannes said...

I am sorry about what your ex-spouse has done to you, Linda. I identify with you for I too have an ex-spouse. I am sorry for the insults, hardships, abuses, agony and sadness. I shall pray for you tonight.

Paul P.

Lynny said...

Paul I do know you understand what I have been through and your crosses and hardships too are very similar. You are always in my prayers and your family.

Anne said...

This is beautiful! Thank you for sharing your struggles so honestly! It is an inspiration to me!